The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
