he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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