I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
