yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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