he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
