maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize