You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
