yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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