I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
