She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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