Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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