Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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