nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
