how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
His nipple licking is glorious
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