@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
