I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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