I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
