I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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