k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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