woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
lol hangovers are for mortals.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
