I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
