Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
