Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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