No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Randomize
