I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
