Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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