You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
