I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
