the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
