I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The struggles of a small town man whore
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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