Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
