I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
