Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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