May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We have started to decorate penises.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
try to milk me bitch
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
