toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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