I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
