So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
