what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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