Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
