my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I puked a lego.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
