I have demons in me.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
