You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
