wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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