Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
