You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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