Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
