first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
