Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
