you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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