dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
