i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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