I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
