this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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