I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
