so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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