Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
