Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
My day in three words: secret purse cake
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
