He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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