why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I smell stomach acid.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
