She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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