i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I love how my cats smell like pot.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
They took my balls.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
