my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
