I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
