I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
