At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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