dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
