she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
