Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
