Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
